It was not exactly possible to digest the reality
of the situation 
when I was in the middle of it

Now
as I fly back 
I can start to

But imagining 
my father 
going through chemo 
Is not something i am able to
imagine

I want to be there. 
I want to be as far away as I can. 
But I also have this life that I’ve built up
I can’t keep leaving

I must strike a balance between being there for the family I have built
and 
being there for my parents as they go through the most difficult season of their life.