Day Five: The Break Up

Age: Day 6,405 of my life [17 Years Old]
Date: 30 September 2006
Location: Greeley, CO
Category: Relief/Sadness/Love
People Involved: Heather/Julia/Jordan

In the months after the abortion, my relationship with Heather slowly fell apart.  We were suffering the consequences of what had happened.  I believe that sex had initially fucked up our relationship.  We had been too young.  In the end, the emotions that came with the abortion were way too much.  I expected the situation to bring us together.  It did the exact opposite.  It tore us apart.  Two months after the abortion, we celebrated our one-year anniversary.  By then, I was already making plans on how to break up with her.

The plan was to break up with her at her house.  She had terrible panic attacks that ended with her screaming and/or crying.  I needed it to be at her place so that I could be the one that left.  If I had done it while at my house, I don’t know if I could ever had gotten her to leave.  I decided to do it a few days later: October 1st.  We were going to a party together on September 30th and didn’t want to make it awkward.  Whoops.

It was the start of my Senior year of high school.  My friend—Jordan—was a few years younger than me.  She always threw the best house parties.  Dozens of people would show up.  Her mom would make food.  There was always something to do and someone to talk to.  The first one I had ever gone to was a few months earlier—at the start of summer party.  That’s where I met a 13-year old redheaded girl wearing a pink shirt that had the logo for Skittles on it.  We talked a lot that day.  I remember her telling me that this was the first house she had been in that had alcohol.   I would later learn that she was a Mormon.  Her name was Julia.

In my mind, the relationship with Heather was over.  I just hadn’t told her yet.  I already knew that I had a huge crush on Julia (who was 14 years old by this party).  The age difference (14 and 17) was large, but I didn’t care.  She was the most interesting person I had ever met.  Plus, she had just started going to our school that Fall.  I got her number at the party…as a friend.  As the evening wore on, Julia left and I was left with a girlfriend who I couldn’t stand to be with.

I honestly don’t remember what came over me.  I didn’t want to wait until the next day to break up with Heather.  I needed it to be over…now.  As everyone watched a movie, I took Heather out back.  We went under the porch.  I kissed her.  Then I told her that we needed to break up.  I expected an argument to erupt.  It didn’t.  Instead, she was confused.  It’s almost like she didn’t understand what I was telling her.  I clarified as best as I can.  I remember asking her if I could have one last kiss.

That when she exploded.  The anger poured out of her.  It only took me a few seconds before I realized that I didn’t need to stand there anymore.  I didn’t need to listen to her yelling at me.  I left.  I remember walking up the stairs of the porch as Heather started screaming bloody murder in the backyard.  It was past midnight in the middle of town.  I’m pretty sure she woke a few people up.

My eyes started to well up with tears as I entered the house.  I turned to Jordan’s mother and asked her if she would be willing to give Heather a ride home.  She said yes.  Without a word to anyone else, I left the house.  I got in my car and drove off.  I was crying almost hysterically as I drove.  I was the one who did the breaking up…but it felt like everything was hitting me at once.  The captivity of being with a mentally unstable person.  The abortion.  The lost year that our relationship brought.  It all welled up inside of me.

I must have intended to go home, because that’s the way I drove.  Instead, I ended up at the skate park a few blocks down from my house.  It was where I always went to relax and think.  That night, I called Julia.  We talked for probably two hours as I paced on a wooden log.  I don’t remember what we talked about.  I know I told her that I broke up with Heather.  All I remember was that her voice soothed over everything.  It would only take me two or three more weeks before I realized I was completely and utterly in love with her.

Day Four: AIM Crush Realization
Currently on Day Five: The Break Up
Day Six: Daddy Problems

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