I got back from Washington about 14 hours before Thanksgiving Dinner. Now, as the Holiday Weekend comes to a close, I find myself with a score of decisions and realizations. With 50 days left before I am scheduled to leave for Morocco with the Peace Corps, there is plenty to figure out in a short amount of time. For the first time in my life, I am coming to a crossroads where straight is no longer an option. I must make a hard decision.
Although I do have more pressing matters to think and write about, the one I spent today on seemed appropriate. I have been mulling over the idea of home for more than a month now. I finally found the words to articulate the feeling that has been grown inside of me. I hope you enjoy it.
After more than three weeks in Washington State, I am finding myself at yet another crossroads. This one is rather large. I know I have choices. Big ones. I know that I’ve find someone. I know I want to stay. I know I want the Peace Corps. I know I want the career that the Peace Corps provides. I know I can’t have both…at least not now.
Meanwhile, my dog died. I grew up with Cassidy from my preteen years on. It was a great loss…and very difficult to experience from so far away. I’m having a hard time focusing right now. So here is the poem I have prepared.
I am on my tenth day in Washington State. I came here to figure out a lot. For one, I wanted to challenge myself. I wanted to throw myself as far away from the monotony of daily life and prove that I could endure it. Ever since this summer, I’ve been afraid. I don’t want anxiety over little fears to be a daily part of my life. If, however, I must accept it, I want it only on the condition that I view it as a challenge I cannot walk away from. I want to confront my fear head on.
The other reason I came to Washington was for love. That’s not to say that I am in love. Moreso, for the first time in far to long, I feel as though it is a possibility. These ten days have opened me up in ways I haven’t felt in years. This intense emotion has helped me challenge my fear, start writing in new ways, and has made me genuinely happy. I don’t know what to make of these strange twist of fate…but I know now that they are worth it. So long as you do succumb to anxiety and fear, you will find your way.
P.S.–This entire post reminds me of Donnie Darko. Please ignore that aspect of it.
It’s be an interesting few days. I cannot talk about most of what is going on. I can tell you, however, that the next few weeks promise to hold almost as much intrigue. I have less than a week until I start of month of exploring this country. Connecticut. Iowa. Washington. All in five weeks. I cannot wait. I will do my best to continue updating as this Summer carries on.
Two updates today. First and foremost, I have a new memory for the memory challenge. I realized I had far too few memories about family. This one should make up a little ground on that level. I have also started adding videos of myself reading my stories and poems. This started off as a Kickstarter supplement, but I love to idea too much. Let me know what you think.
I know I bid far to low to ghostwrite the script I am currently working on…but I love it. I’ve written Haikus, Poems, Flash Fiction, Short Stories, and Novels. The one format that I have never worked with is screenwriting. It’s very different and dialog-oriented. Now that I am learning the ropes as part of a job, I can’t help but wonder if I would enjoy doing one on my own. I absolutely love movies. Plus, I usually envision my stories in scenes. Maybe this is the perfect in-between.
Aside from working on the script today, I am getting back into the swing of working on my 50-Day Memory Challenge. I’m going to try to do as much work as I can over the next couple weeks. Once the end of July hits, I’m going to get crazy busy. Trip to Connecticut. Trip to Iowa. Trip to Washington. All within the course of one month. It’ll be amazing, but difficult to write consistently. I can’t wait.